In most situations in my life, and in the endeavours I choose to take on, I dive in head first. All or nothing. Black or white. There is no shaded grey area. But what about the situations that occur that I do not have control over? Or the times that something is required of me that I am not quite confident in my abilities? Well there is that shaded grey area that I like to conveniently dive past regularly.
When I read interviews, or listen to others speak about their lives sometimes, the "insecure!" bell will sneak up on me. Depending on the person, it may fee like 1) a slight uncomfortable feeling, slowly creeping up on me, 2) like the person I am speaking to is trying to stick me with their insecurities, 3) like an alarm bell in my mind that makes me just want to find a way to help this person see past this, 4) like where I am in my life is not good enough/not enough. All of these require me to feel insecure/take on/take blame for another's insecurity.
In any of these situations, the outcome of the encounter is usually the same. Either one or both parties involved leaves the conversation feeling "less than", feeling a little less whole than they did a few moments before. The more intuitive of the two may be able to recognize the feeling and be able to overcome it. Or not. Then a perpetual cycle of not enough, never enough, not good enough continues.
With insecurity always comes guilt. When someone feels bad about something in their life, and they try and stick the blame on you, that "you make me feel >insert the should be owned feeling here<" accusation, you may feel guilty if you can't see that the person in front of you is feeling that "less than" feeling at that time, and it really has nothing to do with you. If you feel insecure about not being enough/having enough/doing enough, then when you perceive someone else as being "more than" you, you will now get to carry the guilt and the insecurity. Both are heavy loads to haul around in your daily life. And in the end, each of these feelings will seep over into more important aspects of your life.
I believe everyone has insecurities that they carry around with them. Some we are aware of and some we are not. The ones we have yet to pin point weigh us down, and play on the perception of our happiness. But like bad breaks in life, or when bad things happen, it is all about how we deal with them. Imagine if everyone owned their insecurities and actively tried to overcome them? How much less guilt/blame/unhappiness would people simultaneously be carrying? Far less I would say. Imagine if we all knew we were right where we are supposed to be in our lives at that moment and recognize that is our decisions that have led us to that point. Nobody else's. That's right, it is your life, and you have control. Insecurity that is left to fester will ultimately led to regret. Regret that you didn't take an opportunity because you believed you were "not enough", regret that you paid so much attention to all the things that really don't matter, or regret that you were forever wanting what you did not have so badly that you missed what was right in front of you entirely.
The only insecurities I am responsible for are my own. Without facing them head on like I do with situations/feelings I am comfortable with, then no progress will be made in my life. Being able to recognize the feeling, own it and take action upon it will not only help to overcome the insecurity, it will help me be a better mother, wife, friend, runner, employee, writer, hairstylist...... the list is endless. You can be better at everything if you ditch the insecurity! Sounds so cliché, I know. But for some reason this topic was weighing on me today! Monday goals: Not to let insecurity rear it's ugly face without being dealt with and discarded accordingly. ;)